Monday, May 25, 2015

How I would like myself to be, for her and for us

I'm aware that what I'm going to enlist is going to be a tall order. Tall order not to follow, but to follow always. Nonetheless, keeping these self-commandments in front of myself will help me to give myself to her as a husband whom she is supremely proud of, whom she treasures more than anyone else, and whose presence makes her feel all the time that she has been immensely bestowed and lucky to have him in her life. In no particular order:
  1. Be her best friend first, and the other things later.
  2. Never disclose her secrets to anyone. Be the one in whom she can confide with full confidence.
  3. Give her your time and attention. Works are important no doubt, but she is more important.
  4. Respect her parents and her siblings. Don't be like those guys who treat their wives' families with disdain and disregard.
  5. Address her respectfully, using the word aap. Most guys address their wives using terms such as tu, or idhar aa; terms that I don't think I can use for my wife. She is the other half of your mind and body and is your treasure. You make or break her respect, both in front of her and in front of others. Never disrespect her.
  6. Always think and act in her favor, and in our favor. Even if sometimes this means taking tough decisions, some of which she may not like or agree with. Help her understand how and why your actions and decisions will always be unconditionally in our favor.
  7. Do not shout on her, unless it's really required. She's a tender flower in your life.
  8. Duly accommodate her preferences, her likings and her interests. If she likes a particular dish which you do not like, order it too. If she likes romantic movies, watch these with her. If there are songs that she loves but you do not, play those too in your car.
  9. Show her the world. The world is too large and too beautiful a place.
  10. When with her, walk slowly, because she walks slower than me [learnt 1-Jun-15, 2-Jun-15].
  11. Do not unnecessarily cut/interrupt what she is saying, or get into the habit of tokna. Let her speak her heart to you without any restrain!
  12. Many husbands criticize their wives or gossip about them with their friends. Stay clear of this bad practice. Uphold your wife's respect everywhere, and never gossip about her. If you want to coach or criticize or guide her, do it directly with her, and not with others.
  13. Do not proclaim to her your beliefs about your own personality. These beliefs might not be true, but if proclaimed, will probably cause her to alter her natural behavior towards you in order to "compensate" for the characteristics/qualities about yourself that you've told to her. Be the way you are, and let her get to know and understand you naturally.
  14. Your word should have a meaning and a value. When you say something to her, like when you say "I'll do xyz", you should mean it ["walk the talk"]. Let her be confident that when you tell her something, you mean it. And don't forget, she remembers all your "I'll do xyz" statements :)
  15. Recognize the fact that just like me, she too can at least sometimes be genuinely occupied and may not, at that moment, be able to give me her undivided attention, but this doesn't mean that she doesn't want to. Remember all those infinite times that she gives you all her attention, care and time. Give her space to be occupied at least sometimes.
  16. If she accidentally does something that's embarrassing to her [such things, like belching/burping and many more, invariably happen occasionally], try to minimize her embarrassment. Do not explicitly or unnecessarily discuss that/those embarrassing moment/moments. Almost as if nothing happened, as if you didn't notice anything, so that she can feel easy.
  17. Be her always-strong man. Do not engage in unnecessary complaining/grumbling about cold, heat, tiredness, weather, etc. Be her force whom she can always look up to with confidence.
  18. Respect the place where she worked [Deutsche Bank, Ldh. branch]. Since your bank accounts are with the same bank and branch, uphold the honor of the place where she worked by excelling in business. 
  19. Be careful about how you balance your relation with your mother and your wife. Always attempt to maintain harmony between your mother and your wife. Never let either of the two down. Don't take sides either.
  20. More to come...